Article 9 - CHANGE

C H A N G E

… you can change your life by changing you habits.

According to Denis Waitley dari Denis Waitley's Ezine (Seeds of Greatness), they are some guidepost rules regarding change:

Rule 1:
No one can change you and you can't really change anyone else. You must admit your need, stop denying your problem, and accept responsibility for changing yourself

Rule 2:
Habits aren't broken, but replaced -- by layering new behavior patterns on top of the old ones. This usually takes a least a year or two. Forget the 30-day wonder ones. I don't know where motivational speakers got the idea that it takes twenty-one days to gain a new habit. It may take that long to remember the motions of a new skill, but after many years of being you, it takes far longer to settle into a new habit pattern and stay there. Habits are like submarines. They run silent and deep. They also are like comfortable beds, in that they're easy to get into, but difficult to get out of. So don't expect immediate, amazing results. Give your skills' training a year and stick with it, knowing that your new ways can last a lifetime.

Rule 3:
A daily routine adhered to over time will become second nature, riding a bicycle. Negative behavior leads to a losing lifestyle, positive behavior to a wining lifestyle. Practice make permanent in both cases.

Article 8 - COMMUNICATION

3 SKILLS TO IMPROVE CONVERSATION
By: Brian Tracy

One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.

The Benefits of Pausing
First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.

Ask Questions
Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, "How do you mean, exactly?"

This is the most powerful question I've ever learned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, "How do you mean?" the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversations rolling along.

Paraphrase the Speaker's Words
The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker's words in your own words. After you've nodded and smiled, you can then say, "Let me see if I've got this right. What you're saying is . . ." Demonstrate Attentiveness

By paraphrasing the speaker's words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.

Listening Builds Trust
The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.

Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.

Listening Develops Discipline
Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person’s words. If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action. First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is. Second, continually ask, "How do you mean?" in response to anything that is not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.

Tips 2 - PUBLIC SPEAKING

9 TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL PUBLIC SPEAKING

Feeling some nervousness before giving a speech is natural and healthy. It shows you care about doing well. But, too much nervousness can be detrimental.

Here's how you can control your nervousness and make effective, memorable presentations:

1. Know the room. Be familiar with the place in which you will speak. Arrive early, walk around the speaking area and practice using the microphone and any visual aids.
2. Know the audience. Greet some of the audience as they arrive. It's easier to speak to a group of friends than to a group of strangers.
3. Know your material. If you're not familiar with your material or are uncomfortable with it, your nervousness will increase. Practice your speech and revise it if necessary.
   
4. Relax. Ease tension by doing exercises.
5. Visualize yourself giving your speech. Imagine yourself speaking, your voice loud, clear, and assured. When you visualize yourself as successful, you will be successful.
6. Realize that people want you to succeed. Audiences want you to be interesting, stimulating, informative, and entertaining. They don't want you to fail.
7. Don't apologize. If you mention your nervousness or apologize for any problems you think you have with your speech, you may be calling the audience's attention to something they hadn't noticed. Keep silent.
8. Concentrate on the message -- not the medium. Focus your attention away from your own anxieties, and outwardly toward your message and your audience. Your nervousness will dissipate.
9. Turn nervousness into positive energy. Harness your nervous energy and transform it into vitality and enthusiasm. Gain experience. Experience builds confidence, which is the key to effective speaking. A Toastmasters club can provide the experience you need

Tips 1a - HOW TO BETTER MANAGE YOURSELF (1)

HOW TO BETTER MANAGE YOURSELF (1)

You are responsible for everything that happens in your life. Learn to accept total responsibility for yourself. If you do not manage yourself, then you are letting others have control of your life. The tips below will help "you" manage "you."

• Look at every new opportunity as an exciting and new-life experience.
• If you catch yourself worrying about an upcoming task, go ahead and do it now so it no longer is a distraction.
• Get into the habit of finishing what you start.
• Give up "wasting time" forever. Have something with you at all times to work on. For example: plan your day, work on a report, or read a page from your book.
• Be a professional who exhibits self-confidence and self-assurance in your potential to complete any task.
• Avoid worry. The majority of the things you worry about never occur.
• Agree with yourself in advance that you will have a good attitude toward the upcoming task.
• Hire specialists to do those things you are not expert in.
• Rake a chance. Calculated risks pay off in entrepreneurial progress.
• Frequently ask, "Is what I am doing right now moving me toward my goals?"
• Plan the future, but live in the present.
• Make a list of your accomplishments as you go through the day- they are grater than you think.
• Keep a time log at least once every six months to determine exactly where your time is going.
• Do it right the first time and you will not have to take time later to fix it.
• Practice concentrating on your work, doing only one thing at a time.
• Accept responsibility for your job successes and failures. Do not look for a scapegoat.
• Do not view things you do as a "job." View all activities as a challenge.
• Use your subconscious mind by telling it to do what you do want. Instead of telling yourself, "I can't do that very well," say, "I can do this very well."
• Schedule several short vacations or long weekends - this creates positive deadlines by when you must have projects done.

......... to be continued